My name is Mike, and I am an alcoholic.

I believe there is indeed a genetic component to alcoholism, and that I am just another case in my family.  My parents are alcoholics, one in and out of recovery since around 1976, and the other still in and out of denial. 

They certainly tried to keep me aware of what booze did to many family members before, but being too smart for my own good, I went down that path anyway. 

I think my first drink was at about 9 or 10…I’m not sure.  But, I know I liked the effect for a little while, then got sick as a dog!  My education was all private schools, finishing High School at a military academy.  True to form, As a senior and company commander, I got into a scrape with the powers that be having to do with – You guessed it – Drinking.

Graduated with my rank, but spent most of that year busted down to sergeant…The first of many consequences of drinking.

In college, I made it my “Status point” to have a reputation for throwing the best parties, etc.  It still follows me to this day.  Usually, I was too concerned about having my house destroyed to get too drunk, but I still got my share nonetheless.

Consequences followed here as well.  Got into minor scrapes with the law, couldn’t hold on to a relationship, took too many years to finish school, etc. 

But, I was sure I must still be just a “heavy drinker”. 

My last year in school, I moved back home to finish at another campus.  During this time, I think was when I crossed over “the line” with my drinking.  I would come home from school, eat, then study until 7:30 or so – Then start drinking to “unwind” from the day.  From that point on, I’m reasonably sure I never went to bed sober until I came to AA. 

Had terrific highs and lows in work after college.  Resigned my highest position only to avoid being fired for insubordination in 1997.  Did a move back to my old college stomping grounds, only to find those days were over, and my drinking buddies had grown up. 

I drank alone most of the time now, unemployable for the most part, living in a place I frequently got locked out of for non-payment of rent, even if I had the money – Because that was for booze. 

Thanksgiving weekend, 1998 – I came home just for the holiday and to see my family.  Had a heck of a time explaining why I was driving an old wreck instead of my brand new Jeep…But, I lied a lot and said I didn’t like making payments.  For the first time in years, I didn’t stop on the way in and buy booze as I always did.  Don’t know why to this day. 

I was okay during the day, but the nights were sleepless.  By the 3^rd or 4^{th night}, I was hallucinating badly.

In the midst of the DT’s, I eventually tried to drive away – Where, I have no idea.  My aged parents tried to physically stop the car from driving away.  In my head, I heard someone or something say “It’s okay, you don’t have to run anymore.”  I stopped, and an ambulance was summoned. 

I don’t recall much after that.  I went in and out of consciousness in the hospital, hearing my Dad cry as the Dr told him I had a 50/50 shot at living through the night. 

From there on to the Psyche ward, which I didn’t enjoy…People talked to chairs on an alarmingly regular basis.  I told my Dad “Okay, I’m a drunk.  Now GET ME OUT of here!” 

Chemical Dependency ward was a blur that ended 2 weeks later.  The day I got out, my Dad walked with me into the Maplewood Alano Club and I have been a member there since.  I won’t say that my life is a bed of roses…I still have a lot of work to do and a lot of messes to clean up from those years of drinking and running.  But I am sober, employed, and in a good relationship.  Thanks for reading.  Peace.

 

Mike L