RobinA

My name is Robin, I am an alcoholic and addict of MORE! I have been one all my life but did not know it until March 20th of 1999. My life had become a total wreck I could barely function in society let alone at home (that part I thought I could hide!)

I was born in 1964~in the northeast section of the USA~ raised in a family of 6 kids (I was the middle child my brother was also a middle child but he was a boy so I believed that I was the only middle child) I grew up as an overweight child who grew into an overweight adult.

I never felt "as good as" anyone else though I was treated as well as the other children I now know. I felt as if I was constantly picked on. I remember my favorite spot was sitting under the desk in the room I shared with my sister I would hide there for long periods of time because I always felt left out.

My first experience with alcohol (that I can remember) was when I was approx. 12 years old and I had a blackout then! Felt terrible and sick from that experience but it did not stop me from doing it again. I remember babysitting and getting an empty floor wax bottle from the trash and proceeding to steal some alcohol (I believe it was whiskey) ~putting it in that bottle and taking it to the school the next day (a Saturday) where I was due for a Drama Club practice (I always worked behind the scenes… lights, props etc…) Of course I ended up so sick!!! I don't remember much except puking and passing out ~a friend found me in the Nurses office (of all places)

As I grew I continued trying to impress people because I felt that I had to. I met my husband in a bar he was the real first guy that ever showed me true love I'm lucky I still have him. Of course prior to him I had done the "rounds" of "falling in love" at 1 am!!! Many times I woke up (came to) in strange places with even stranger people! All it took was that first drink and I would have no idea where I'd end up.

We eventually moved to Florida where I became pregnant with my daughter who is now 9. I drank a bit but not too much during my pregnancy. I can remember when going to get tested I had a BIG glass of wine on the way! When going into labor I had a couple beer's, again I was blaming it on nerves.

I had a few resentments going on then! My step-son was living with us and I didn't much care for the circumstances behind the situation but I did the best I could. Also I was feeling sorry for myself because I was so far from my family. I felt that my child and myself were missing out on so much by not being with "my family" I should have realized that I was with my family!!

My drinking steadily got worse to the point that when I left work would first go to the nearest liquor store to get a bottle of Vodka. Even if I had some at home I had to have more just in case. I would then proceed to drink all night at home either till I passed out or ran out. Sometimes I would go to the store anyway to get MORE even though I was in no shape to drive taking the kids with me as well.

My marriage was not too good by then (DUH!!!) I was always threatening divorce. Why my husband put up with me I'll never know. I had also started using other stuff to get me going so I could function as well as drink even more.

My bottom was and still is a complete mystery to me (driving in a blackout and crashing my car) To this day I still do not know what I hit or anything. All I know (now) is that it was G~d's way telling me that my life would not be able to continue unless I put the drink DOWN!! As my sponsor has told my it was my "moment of clarity" G~d had put everything in place for me and all I had to do was continue on the same destructive path I was on.

What I at first believed were coincidences I now know was all part of his plan. My daughter was NOT with me which was VERY unusual and my In-laws were on their way to visit us (as in the BB~a typical alcoholic usually get's drunk at THE worst times!!)

From there I had my husband take me to the hospital I told him "I NEED HELP!!!" When I was released (5 day's later) I was in a "Intensive Outpatient Program" and told to go to AA. My D.O.S. is 03/20/1999~I have only (yet) had to pick up one white chip and I truly can say I am glad I am an Alcoholic. Now I know what all the problems in my life stem from.

I got a sponsor and began to work the step's and my life is 100% better now. I can look people in the face, answer the door and telephone without FEAR and I am working on being a better wife and mother. It works if you work it. My life revolves around AA now. I go to at least 3 meeting's a week, do service work and I keep in contact with my support group. I thank G~d for my "bottom" so that I could rise out of the "pit" my life had become. The Promise's do come true. I take suggestion's and work my program to the best of my ability. I try to "pass it on" to other's as well you have to "give it away" in order to keep it.

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